It’s the fear that somebody would leave. In fact I dare to say that the reason for any kind of inauthenticity is the thought that being authentic would make people turn their back on you. Not that it was a realistic scenario in most of the cases, but the fear is big and the risk is too damn high to even think of testing it.
That’s why we hesitate to not come to a party we don’t feel like going to – because the fear of friends spending time together without you and deciding things like “that guy never comes to our parties, let’s throw him out of this club”. Even if the club only exists in your head – they are your friends and the only thing uniting them is you, so there’s no way they would ever decide anything without your presence. And lastly: They are your freeking friends! They would never judge you for that, even less if you are being true to yourself.
Wanna hear the opposite story? Today, we gathered a little circle for one hour to share some honest feedback. The kind of feedback that you would never give or get otherwise. Most of us didn’t know each other before, and yet it didn’t take more than a brief introduction for the arrows to fly: Everybody went straight into what we feel is valuable for the person to hear, because it is so brutal that they might never hear it from anybody. Exchange kindness for real growth potential. And why does it work in that circle, but not in the outer world?
We committed to not stand up and go, but to stay. The consensus of staying creates enough safety for that part in me that is scared to death about people turning their backs on me to relax. And then – magic can happen.